Hey guys - wanted to write about one of two moats I think are left in today's day and age. Relationships. The other is data but I will save that for another day.
Over the years I have read dozens of books on building relationships. Never Eat Alone. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Give and Take. They're all different, but they boil down to the same thing: genuine interest in other people and helping without expecting anything back.
That's it. Everything else is noise.
I learned this the hard way. Most of my early career, I wasn't the smartest person in the room or the most accomplished (though I often thought I was). But I figured out early that I genuinely liked meeting people and learning what they were working on. So I leaned into that. I'd introduce people who I thought should know each other. I'd help where I could. And somehow, doors kept opening.
Looking back, that simple thing - actually caring about people and connecting them without keeping score - ended up being more valuable than any hard skill I developed early on.
Strangers Are Just Friends You Haven't Met Yet
I've never understood the filtering that most people do. Like, "is this person worth my time?" I just got curious about everyone I met. What are they building? What are they thinking about? What do they care about?
A CEO. A barista. A stay-at-home mom. You never know where value is going to come from or who's going to matter in your life five years from now. Some of the most useful people I know came from the most unexpected places.
That openness - I think that's what drew people in. And it's also where opportunity lives. In conversations you didn't plan to have with people you didn't expect to meet.
How I Actually Did This
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Genuinely curious. Not as a tactic. I actually wanted to know what people were working on and what problems they were solving. You can't fake that. People know immediately.
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Listened more than I talked. (If you know me well, you know this was hard haha.) I'd ask questions and actually listen to the answers. I'd follow up on details they mentioned weeks later. It made people feel like someone actually paid attention to them. Most people don't do that.
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Introduced people constantly. I'd meet someone and think, "oh, they should know this other person." I'd make the connection not because I expected anything back, but because I genuinely thought they'd either help each other or just have a great conversation.
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Didn't keep score. I shared useful stuff. I offered advice on problems people mentioned. I made introductions that mattered. I didn't do it waiting for return. But looking back, those returns came. Just not on my timeline.
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Stayed myself. I built my network around people and things I actually cared about, not who I thought I should know. The best relationships came from real common ground, not career strategy.
The Science Actually Backs This Up
Stanford researcher Van Sloan studied over 2,000 high school students to figure out what made certain kids popular. He controlled for attractiveness, athleticism, GPA - basically all the traits I'm obviously blessed with.
What he found: the most popular kids liked the most other people. They had the longest lists of people they genuinely liked. And when you actually like people, they like you back. It's reciprocity.
This totally matched what I was seeing. The best networkers I knew weren't the most charming or the slickest talkers. They were just genuinely interested in lots of people.
When You Actually Need Something
The weird part is - asking for help actually worked too. After I'd spent years introducing people, helping where I could, genuinely caring - when I needed something, people were there.
But it wasn't because I'd been keeping score. It was because I'd actually built relationships. So when I asked for something real - an introduction, advice, help with something I was working on - it felt natural. People wanted to help because they felt invested in me, not because they owed me.
The Benjamin Franklin effect - it's real. When you ask someone for help after you've helped them, they actually feel more connected to you. They're not passive anymore. They're in it with you.
How The Hard Skills Came Later
As time went on, I got better at what I did. My skills developed. But by then, something bigger had already happened. I had this network of people who actually knew me, trusted me, understood what I was trying to do.
When I got better at my craft, I could offer real value to the right people at the right time. I had credibility from years of just showing up and caring. My relationships weren't transactional - they were based on genuine interest.
The hard skills mattered. But they mattered way more because of what I'd already built.
What I'd Tell You
If you're early in your career and don't feel like you have much to offer yet, become a broker. Get genuinely curious about what people are building. Understand their problems. Connect them with other people you know who could help.
Do this over and over. Don't keep score. Don't expect immediate return.
Then as you develop skills, as you get better at what you do, that network becomes a multiplier. Opportunities flow to you. People vouch for you. You build in a completely different way than someone who started with expertise alone.
You become the person who opens doors. First for other people. Then for yourself.
That's actually a real moat.
If you made it this far, thanks for listening and caring. I'd love to hear what drives you to wake up and work every day and how I can be a small part of that journey. Ping me on X.